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by Baby_babushka



Series: Reylo Oneshots [8]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Author regrets nothing, Bendemption, F/M, First Kiss, Force Bond, Implied smut?, Post-TLJ, Reylo is canon, Soft and sad, cw: thoughts of suicide, fandom needs more content and fast, forcetime, is that even a thing, we are starving, whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 15:24:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16875354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baby_babushka/pseuds/Baby_babushka
Summary: But no one could touch him, the Supreme Leader. He was isolated on the throne, wrapped in leather and fine wool, suffocating slowly.And he should have been happy, happy to be alone, in power and wanting for nothing.But he wanted, how how he wanted.He wanted her.He had begged. He wanted it so badly. He wanted her by his side, somehow, somewhere.Sometime.But as his bare hand slid down the duraglass separating him from the vacuum of space, sometime felt so far away.Post-TLJ Forcebond





	Home

Kylo Ren couldn’t find a real reason for anything. It all felt meaningless, like an impulse with no concrete foundation. It felt las if the world was crumbling beneath his feet, that the polished duraglass floors would buckle, send him hurtling into space, never to be seen or thought of again.

He almost wanted it.  _ Almost _ .

But that would make things even more meaningless, if possible. Everything he had done would be for naught. All those years, gone in an instant. He couldn’t let himself do it.

And he felt so  _ alone _ . Stubbornness reared its ugly head, refusing it, refusing the truth. He was lonely, and aching for touch. But no one could touch him, the Supreme Leader. He was isolated on the throne, wrapped in leather and fine wool, suffocating slowly.

And he should have been happy, happy to be alone, in power and wanting for nothing.

But he  _ wanted _ , how how he wanted.

He wanted  _ her _ .

He had begged. He wanted it so badly. He wanted her by his side, somehow, somewhere.

Sometime.

But as his bare hand slid down the duraglass separating him from the vacuum of space, sometime felt so far away. Time was nothing but numbers, and the hours and days rolled by, one after another, each identical and even more tortuous than the last. Monotony pulled him away from the window, back into a wall.

The durasteel was cold, so cold against his clothed back. He shivered, letting himself fall gracelessly to the floor, propping himself against the wall. He couldn’t even find it in himself to stand.

A choked sob burst forth, echoing in the dark room. Hunching forward and gripping his chest like a lifeline, months, years of tears ran down his cheeks, his neck, under his collar, over his sternum. Gripping himself hard enough to bruise, a soul-wrenching cry was torn from his throat, almost inhuman. He didn’t  _ feel _ human anymore. He felt like a creature, a monster with delusions of grandeur, but everyone saw through the charade. They saw him how he was. 

A  _ monster _ .

Another roar escaped him as a pain shot through his ribcage, sharp and aching, like his very cells were being torn apart. Pale skin flushed and slick with tears, he was shaking. Like a little boy afraid of the dark.

He wasn’t afraid, he yearned for it. He yearned for the absoluteness of it, the certainty. That  _ this _ was the path, what he was meant for. What he was  _ supposed _ to do. But he couldn’t do it. Something within him, something he couldn’t name kept pulling him back from the edge of what he so desperately wanted. He failed, he kept failing. Always failing.

He had failed his mother. He had failed his mentor. He had failed Snoke. And he had failed… he…

A calloused hand drifting down his face, and hazel eyes filled with tears and forgiveness, before his father’s leather and cotton clad body fell down, down...down...down…

_ Ben? _

He wanted this to end. She was like a ghost, as he should be too.

“Ben!”

He froze, and all sound faded away. The only sound was their heavy breathing.

“Don’t...don’t call me that,” he croaked. His voice was rough, and he knew his eyes were reddened and swollen. He couldn’t bear to look at her, hiding behind his sweat slicked hair.

“I’m not going to call you anything else,” Rey said, no doubt crossing her arms defensively. “Not until you prove to me you’re not Ben Solo anymore.”

“Is that why you’re here? To see how far I’ve fallen?” he snapped, raising his head to look at her. He didn’t miss the way both their breaths hitched at seeing each other. “Well congratulations, you’ve won. Ben Solo is _ dead _ . Now leave me alone.”

She stayed silent, but her beautiful face was masked with defiance. She looked well. Strong. Healthy. He remembered when he had carried her in his arms on Takodana and to Starkiller. She was so lithe, almost frail. 

“Leave me,” he commanded as best as he could, steeling himself and standing. He noticed the flush high on her cheeks, much like the last time she had seen him topless. It almost felt like a victory. She approached, her footsteps silent. Her arms flexed in their crossed position.

“No,” she responded, leaning slightly when she said it. He almost wanted to smile at her confidence.

“You left me before, why won’t you leave now?” he sneered, walking past and intentionally bumping into her shoulder with his own. And the shock of the contact, the energy passing between made him want to stop, to remain touching her. But he forced his legs to continue his path, before sitting down on the wide, dark bed.

“You know that was different,” she ground out, turning and clenching her fists at her sides. “We both know I couldn’t have stayed.”

“I don’t know that! Tell me!” he burst, standing. “Tell me why!” Unbidden tears welled in his eyes, but he willed them not to fall. He f _ ailed _ . Her eyes glistened as he approached, trying to seem intimidating. Of course, she stood her ground, as always. His left eye twitched.

“My friends were dying!” she replied, gesturing. “I couldn’t let that happen! And you ignored me! I-I couldn’t…”

“You barely know them! And you promised me! You said I wasn’t alone! And what did you do? You crushed me when you reached for that damned lightsaber!”  _ You crushed my heart... _

“Oh, well excuse me for trying to arm myself in a hostile situation!”

“How was it hostile? I was asking...I was asking-” _ I wanted... _

“You wanted conquest, something I don’t stand for-”

“I wanted to be with you!” It finally tumbled out of his mouth in a flurry of emotion. They both stopped. “I still do,” he admitted quietly, his eyes roving over her confused expression.

“I was with you! I was in the same room as you!”

He had to make her understand. She  _ needed _ to. She had to. How couldn’t she  _ know _ ?

“And on that thought, I’m practically with you right now! And all you wanted was me as an ally, a weapon, a prisoner-”

He lurched down, grabbing her flushed face and smashing their lips together in an unpracticed kiss. As his mouth moved over hers, she squirmed before stilling, and opening herself to him slightly. She seemed to remember herself, pushing him away, her hands scrabbling across his chest until she succeeded.

“We shouldn’t...we shouldn’t do this,” she whispered, hands still on his heaving chest. She looked down, studying the way their skin could meet despite the vast distance. She lifted her finger slightly, before settling them as she said,”Not now.”

“You don’t…” he stepped back, letting her touch fall away. He scrubbed his eyes, turning away. He clenched his fists at his sides. “You don’t want me. And you shouldn’t.”

“You’re right,” she admitted. He was about to demand that she leave, let him wallow in his misery alone, when she continued. “I shouldn’t. But I do.”

He swallowed.

“Ben,” she said softly, her hand brushing his shaking hand. “Please...come home.” Her eyes were glistening in the light, and his heart felt like it had taken a tumble. “Come home,” she repeated, gripping his hand tight in both of hers.

“I have no home,” he whispered in a broken voice. She shook his head, continuing. “Monsters don’t have homes.”

She let out a sigh, setting her forehead over his chest, which trembled at the contact.

“You…” he felt her swallow. “You have  _ me _ .”

“Rey…”

“Let me be your home, Ben.” Her eyes met his, and he felt like he was going to be swept away by her, by the swelling feelings rolling off of her. Things he hadn’t felt in years, all from her. 

“I-I can’t...I’ve come too far,” he said weakly as his eyes began to sting. “It’s too late for me-”

“No!” she burst, giving a weak hit to his chest. The tears were flowing down her cheeks, and she was gripping his tunic so hard her knuckles were turning white. Like she couldn’t bear the thought of letting him go. “No, it’s not too late, please, Ben. You deserve a real home, you don’t deserve what you have now. I can...I can feel it all. Please, leave this behind and come home to me.”

He worked his jaw. This felt...this felt an awful lot like giving up. But he had done that a long time ago, so would it really matter if he gave up again? She was so warm against him, and he was so afraid of going back to his cold, lonely room. 

She breathed shakily, not able to meet his eyes. As he sensed everything she was feeling, everything she was thinking, he realized something, and his tears finally fell once more.

_ She already was his home. _

Tenderly, he cradled her face in his hands, their eyes meeting.

“I...I think you’ve been my home from the very beginning,” he whispered, watching her inhale sharply, her force signature pulsing and bleeding into his. He ducked down once more, capturing her lips in his. She hummed into the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. His hands found themselves curling around her waist, pressing her closer, closer still. He pulled away reluctantly, resting his forehead against hers. “I need to know you’re right, Rey. Show me, show me why I can come home. Please.”

She pulled him down and showed him to the stars and back.

-

_ It felt an awful lot like coming home. _

**Author's Note:**

> Well howdy I haven't updated my WIP stories but here I am with another oneshot.  
> Thanks for reading. :)


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